


fret not, i won't let go

by potatooneandtwo



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Butlers, M/M, Slow Build, minor sungbri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27770041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potatooneandtwo/pseuds/potatooneandtwo
Summary: "You know sometimes, I wonder, if we met when we were younger, maybe it'll be easier for me to accept your feelings and the fact that I'm in love with you."
Relationships: Kim Wonpil/Park Jaehyung | Jae
Comments: 10
Kudos: 59





	fret not, i won't let go

**Author's Note:**

> idk huhu
> 
> hopefully the story makes sense haha beta'd but unedited 'cause we're lazy (￣▽￣*)ゞ
> 
> enjoy (ง ื▿ ื)ว
> 
> IMPORTANT: tw for implied suicide

Books paint love as some powerful force able to withstand anything; a force strong enough to destroy everything as well. One moment people will be mooning that they love something or they love someone so easy as breathing and, in a blink of an eye they blame everything going wrong because of love. Relationships ruined because of passionate love, lives wasted because of not having enough of it.

How foolish people can become for something abstract; moved arbitrarily one second, devastated the next.

Perhaps love is nothing more but a mere tool, able to mend and twist into what fits one's narration; whether to build something from ground up or destroy it to desist.

For selfish creatures, humans use it without hesitation.

_"Your fate has been decided before you're born. Remember this Wonpil..."_

"Wonpil...do you think I'm making the right decision?"

Wonpil blinks back to reality, immediately stopping himself from pouring tea. Glancing to his side, he sees Younghyun by the window, watching the rain with a far-off look.

He never thought his young master will be one swayed by emotions.

"What would offering my opinion provide?" He walks with practiced steps and laid the tea cup by his master's table.

He has been with Kang Younghyun, the sole heir to an empire of business ventures, as his personal butler since the boy was ten. His master was nothing like his peers: he was responsible, level-headed and benevolent. And yet, someone as calm and steadfast as him said yes to an atrocious proposal by some boy he just met once before.

"Comfort, perhaps. But mostly reassurance." Wonpil simply watched the young heir sip his last tea in his own home. Turning to him when the silence stretched, the younger man smiles and quips a recurrent request. "And please, speak comfortably."

Used to keeping his thoughts to himself, Wonpil hums under the pretense of contemplating. It was useless to ask him such things. When: one, he was in no position to do so; two, he will be extremely biased about it and; three, what would it change?

However, upon seeing the earnest need for a piece of his mind, Wonpil settles with his generic answers, just so he can appease Younghyun. "Do you want my honesty or just say what you want to hear?"

"There is really no way to go about with you huh?" Younghyun laughs a little, but his eyes were seeing far away. "Thanks, I'm a little less nervous now."

Wonpil swallows a scoff.

"Let's go then."

Arranged marriages are uncommon but not unheard of in this time and age, especially when families involved have power and influence.

And Kang Younghyun is indeed from a powerful and influential family. However, as an heir he is obliged to expand their wealth and influence. To escape the never ending blind dates and match makings his parents forced on him, he agreed with someone in the same predicament as he was. One Park Sungjin. Eldest son of a family of hospital owners and renowned doctors.

Wonpil mind wonders to how those young men came to this effective -their words- albeit, hasty decision. Being efficient as he was, he can think about something else while doing an entirely different thing, years of his training did that, so while they're loading the last of his young master's luggage to be delivered to the Parks's mansion, Wonpil tried to rationalize what went on their minds when they came to such agreement.

Nothing comes to mind.

"Wonpil?"

Giving his full attention, Wonpil attends to him.

"That was the last of it," Younghyun smiles brightly, but he can note the subtle nerves brimming under his mask. They have been together for almost a decade now. Nodding, he walks to the driver's side of the car and promptly sets the car in motion.

He simply hopes that at least his master will live a comfortable, better life in that household. Maybe not loved but not mistreated or alone.

But then again, glancing at Younghyun's faraway look at the passing scenery through the rear view mirror, Wonpil thinks it wouldn't matter as long as he can do something about it. He might be just another servant but it doesn't mean he doesn't have wants, even if it's not- _especially_ when it is not for himself.

* * *

Jae groans as soon as he closes the door and starts the car. "Good grief, that was a long ass meeting."

"Of course you lose your filter as soon as we're out," Sungjin drawls, scrolling through his ipad, surely to check for tomorrow's schedule.

"As soon as? Excuse you," Jae protests while putting the car into drive and leaving the dark parking lot. "I had to hold it in until we're here."

Jae can feel his young master's eyeroll when he mutters "I concede."

"And please fire your secretary."

"Oh get off her back," Sungjin laughs, knowing exactly why he made a request.

That woman only knows how to present herself well but her work is substandard. Goodness, his master will be married soon and will manage more businesses because of it, they can't have incompetent people within their company.

At least his future partner's employees seemed to be well trained. According to his research anyways. Remembering, Jae raises with a teasing tone "Are you excited?"

"For what?" Sungjin grouches, probably from his incessant talking than anything else, it has been a long day. "To be married off? No."

Jae lets out a fake squawk "Sounds like a blatant lie to me."

"I write your pay check Jaehyung, watch it."

"I see. We're going for full defense here." He shrugs, knowing how his master truly feels. Youth, they don't say what they truly mean. "They should be there by now, just so you know."

Grumbling like the young brat he was, Sungjin tuts "I thought you were tired?"

"I was. I'm not at the moment."

"Well, I am."

Jae clicks his tongue, playfully rolling his eyes. If his teacher sees him acting this way in front of his master he'd have thirty hits to the hands by now. "You're too young to be tired already."

"And you're pushing thirty three."

Gaping, Jae eyes Sungjin's laughing form through the mirror. He shakes his head at the wide grin and bright eyes. Now, his master looks his age. "You just had to go there huh?"

"I'm taking a nap. Good night, Jaehyung."

"Fine. I'll let you off, young master."

As Sungjin naps soundly, he eases into the light traffic. After serving Sungjin since he was in his teens, they have more of an amicable relationship than a clear cut master and servant one. It more from Sungjin's request, being relaxed around societal rules despite his strict upbringing.

Jae hopes his master's future will be bright and just as he deserves. Only through that would he come into terms with the life he had lead so far, and to accept that it isn't so bad he ended up a servant.

* * *

"Welcome. I hope your travel went well." An old man, prim and proper with a warm smile met them at the entrance way. "I'm Hangyu, the household's steward."

Wonpil kept it to himself that he finds it rude that their young master didn't receive them. This was after all an agreement with equal footing and not only beneficiary to young master Younghyun. He is already giving a mental stink eye to Park Sungjin.

"Please forgive that the young master wasn't able to present himself and welcome you personally."

Clicking his tongue internally, Wonpil watched the exchange a few steps behind his master.

"Ah, that's unfortunate," Younghyun says with a tired smile.

"Would you prefer to rest first before dinner?"

"Will my-" Wonpil noticed the pause in Younghyun's nervous weaving of words. "Will he be joining us for dinner?"

The old man, who doesn't deserve Wonpil’s annoyance shows understanding, probably noting how Younghyun's nerves was buzzing all over the place, spoke with a comforting tone. "I'm afraid no."

"Then is it alright to assume that I am allowed to have the rest of the evening off?"

"Of course. Would you like to have dinner in your room instead?"

"Please. Thank you."

"Then allow me to escort you."

The mansion was a house abound with long history. It's written all over the old yet still elegant architecture, how many lives has walk through it. It has a touch of modern designs though but nothing that could over power the sheer amount of time it had stood with grace as a strong family's household.

The shocking difference it has from the cold, lonely place that was his master's home was the obvious evidence that this one was well lived-in. The hall they were walking through was decorated modestly but sprinkled with personal touches of what he can assume was the lady of the house's doing.

Looking at young master Younghyun's obvious awe despite showing exhaustion earlier, Wonpil comforts himself with the thought that maybe soon, his master will have traces of himself around here too. If the warmth seeping to his person in spite of the high ceilings and wide halls were anything to go by, then maybe its not wrong to say that his master was in good hands.

"This will be your room, young master. Have a good evening. Your dinner will be brought to you in a moment's time."

Wonpil appraises the room the family has given his master while reviewing in his head the routes to important places such as the kitchen, dining, and servant's headquarters.

Thinking about him having to get along with new people already has his mood spiraling. In the previous household, he was the head butler, because the family was rarely home and have only interacted in minimum. Not seeing the need for a lot, they dismissed half of the household and simply hired cleaners when needed. Here, however, Wonpil has to mingle with not only new people but a lot of them.

Especially young master Sungjin's personal aids.

Well, at least they allowed him to come with him. Still it doesn't uplift his mood at the prospect of having to work under someone else.

"Wonpil, no need to be grouchy." Younghyun cuts off his bad mood with a laugh. Turning to him, he sees the young man already sprawled on his bed.

"I wasn't."

"Don't you think it's better to have rest first before facing my future tomorrow?"

"Whatever makes you comfortable, young master."

* * *

It was dark outside, the corner lights still beaming to a side of his room but it was another day of Jae. After a quick wash, he wears his standard uniform: dress pants, a pristine shirt, waistcoat, suit jacket, cravat and a fresh pair of gloves.

Weekends usually for him means a lot of household chores, document processing and personal attendance to his young master's needs but for today he was to meet and welcome young master Younghyun and his personal aid.

Setting off for the kitchen he reviews the itinerary for the day. The house was quiet around this time since there's still an hour before call time for the others, so he was surprised to see someone walking a few feet away from him. While adjusting his glasses - as if that would help see him better- the odd disruption to the norm turns and meets his gaze.

Not recognizing the face, Jae made a quick conclusion and quickens his steps. The man was shorter, has slicked back black hair, cool gaze and wearing a different uniform than his but still indicative of his profession. Bowing politely, he greets "Good morning, you must be the new guy. I'm-"

"Seeing as this is the first time we met, then your conclusion isn't far off."

Jae feels his facial muscles twitch, from being rudely interrupted and from the smartass remark. "I am Park Jaehyung. I'm young master Sungjin's personal butler."

"Kim Wonpil."

"Damn," Jae spills, propping a hand on his waist "I was gonna let it pass, but your manners sucks."

"And so does yours." Narrowing his eyes, Jae huffs at the fake pleasant expression in front of him. The audacity of this brat. Before he could lecture him however, this Wonpil bowed and spoke with a professional tone becoming of an experienced butler "Excuse me. I believe it's time for me to prepare my young master for breakfast."

Jae gapes for a few minutes at the smaller man's retrieving back and questions to no one "Can I please curse him? Please."

Of course he has come across rude servants before. Maids gossip all the time behind their lords and ladies, how else do they entertain themselves from a routined life? Servants competing for their masters' favors. It's all there underneath the surface. But this was new. Wonpil was rude right off the bat - and he was just introducing himself!- its sort of refreshing to not be feared just because of his position, but he can already feel a headache coming.

God, he hopes Wonpil’s young master wasn't that much of an ass as he is. If he was, he'll question Sungjin's sanity until his death.

* * *

It's only been a week but Wonpil can say he hates everything here with passion.

He hates the maids who attends to his young master with meticulous and precise movements that he's left with nothing to do; the kitchen's exquisite cuisine that entices and satisfies his master's appetite and the library filled with endless knowledge and fantasy that provide entertainment during his free time.

He hates Park Sungjin and his pleasant personality; gentle but firm, kind but not a pushover. Wonpil hates that he can do nothing against the effortless commanding aura Sungjin's presence bring. Not suffocating or repulsive.

And not to mention his cheeky butler who doesn't seem to know what boundaries are.

Jaehyung is an efficient butler. Professional, swift and effective. And Wonpil despises him. Jaehyung treats him like every other servant in the house, when he doesn't even belong there.

Above all, he hates how young master Younghyun seamlessly weaved his presence here and claims his spot next to Sungjin as though he belongs there ever since. Sprightly and with much eagerness.

And just like every day since they went here, Wonpil spends his lunch breaks alone.

* * *

Jae catches Wonpil before he can slam his bedroom door at his face.

Wonpil prompts him with a blank stare irritating him further.

"Look." Jae massages his temples and, with a sigh he takes a gentler tone. "I can see that you take pride in your work, but you can't do someone else's just because it doesn't pass your standards."

It has been the fifth time in two weeks someone raised a complaint to him about how Wonpil redid their chore or rearranged something without prior notice to him or the steward. He recognizes Wonpil’s decisions, because if he was in his shoes he'd probably do the same. But with way more permission than Wonpil went about with.

It's hard not to notice how much of a hardworker and independent Wonpil is. Heck, he renovated the whole garden alone during his free time instead of going out with friends or resting like others would. But it's also not hard to notice that Wonpil serve Younghyun alone and no one else. He isn't rude to Sungjin per se but he respects him only as a human not a master. Jae chose to keep mum about it because Sungjin doesn't necessarily care, however it rubs the wrong way to the other servants.

His keeping to himself and letting others ostracize him doesn't help his case either. Jae clicks his tongue, remembering the amount of times he has to scold other's for judging him: because it's unbecoming of a servant of the Park household to have such employees and; its a waste of energy to be angry for something they only see the surface of.

He can argue because he's been watching Wonpil. His quick work and the amount of chores he finishes in no time. His attentiveness and energy around Younghyun. The bare minimum words he says in a day when Younghyun's at work. Also the quiet, lonely lunch breaks he spends at the back garden, the small smile he offers his own young master, the heavy feet dragging himself to his room after work hours, and the deadpan in his face when Jae headbutts with him over the most trivial things- which, in his defense he only does to rile out an expression from stoic Wonpil.

"Young master Younghyun is my boss," Wonpil grits, avoiding his eyes. "His standards are the only ones I'll follow so you can save your frustration and keep it for someone else."

Jae was barely holding in the urge to shake this guy. He gave him the benefit of the doubt being new and having to adjust at new rules but this answer was not what he was expecting, he's a professional for fuck's sake. Annoyed at having work piled because of his petty meddling, Jae throws caution out of the window and let his simmering frustration blow. "Are you born this stubborn?" Taking a step closer so he was towering over the other, Jae punctuates "Your beloved young master is now living under this household and same goes for you. When in Rome, do what the Romans do!"

When Wonpil simply glares far off to the side, Jae takes a calming breath and steps back. "If there is anything unsatisfactory by your standards you can raise it during the next meeting." Huffing at Wonpil’s display of consistent stubbornness, he continues. "If you can't help but be ticked off by other servants' work, at least try to wait out of respect the steward's designation of duties."

Wonpil remains quiet, but Jae can see his tense shoulders slumping. He allows a small smile thinking that it might be the first time he's receiving a scolding. Not the first he wonders just how much of his childlike innocence does Wonpil hide under his snark and standoff-ish demeanor.

It's a thought that rooted when he found him crouched down behind a lonely bush when he was turning the waste land into a garden and cooing at a caterpillar of all things. Then he saw him one time munch over leftover cookies long after the other servants had enjoyed them with, cheeks full and bulging. From then on he started to see nuances: fiddling gloved fingers behind his back while the family have dinner; the humming under his breath while tending to his flowers and; the curiosity whenever Jae brings him along to the cellar during parties.

It is with these thoughts that he completely cools down.

"If you have complaints you can share them," Jae reassures with a pat on the smaller man's head. "You weren't brought here to turn the house upside down to suit your master's tastes. You may be his personal servant but you both are now members of this household."

Seeing as he won't be receiving any word from him anymore, Jae ends his lecture with a sigh "You're master seem to be adjusting just fine, even if you can't accept the household's rules, just pretend that you do."

* * *

Wonpil remains rooted on his spot long after Jaehyung had left. He reflects on his actions with an unfamiliar weight on his chest. He's recognizes now how disrespectful it is to the steward, when all he was thinking then was such half assed work is undeserving in Younghyun's presence.

Breathing out, he decides it is only right to correct his mistakes and to request an audience with the steward tomorrow, regardless of what consequences might be, he will not taint his master's name. But, even though he reports to him, Wonpil also doesn't want to see his disappointment in him, especially so they were welcomed properly here. With the wedding preparations in full course, Wonpil refuses to be a burden to Younghyun by bothering him with this, moreso that he was unaware Wonpil has been acting this way.

But first, rest. It was already deep in the night. He can offer his apologies tomorrow. No matter how they'll accept it - not that he cares, he works for Younghyun and by extension, he realizes Sungjin, after all, not them- Wonpil takes comfort in that Jaehyung came forward without malice and spoke simply and succinct. Not unlike how he usually is when their works coincide for their young masters.

Standing in front of his small closet, Wonpil brushes the top his head, wonders why he left his eyes burn when Jaehyung had touched him there.

* * *

Opening his door to start the new day, Jae wasn't expecting Wonpil to be standing there, dressed neatly as always, and bowing as soon as he sees him blinking at him in surprise.

"I apologize for the burden my selfish actions has brought. I would like to request an audience with the steward as well, before I make amends with the other servants."

"What school trained you? Man, you act more formally than young master Sungjin." Jae scratches his nape with a good-natured laugh. Wonpil acts more like royalty than both he and Sungjin combined. "Come, I'll take you to the old man. He'll be excited you'll finally visit him. He's like a little puppy nagging me every chance he gets to drag you there to have tea with him."

Steward Hangyu was an old man with a child's heart and a passion for serving. Jae looks up to him like a young boy would to his hero. When Jae first came into the household -or rather escaped and hidden into- he had been young, brooding and angry. He was an heir, a young master once. And he thought he had a happy childhood with a family, until news broke out and the truth came to light.

His family was dealing with illegal business and has been laundering money for years. They were caught and steward Hangyu, one of his uncle's friends, was asked to take him away. That uncle of his removed him from the family register and any traces of him, Jae had been angry at him for doing that, for being thrown away like that, but with time, and support, he knows he was ultimately saved.

The old man with the patience of a saint and zero tolerance for shit helped Jae accept his reality and trained him to become who he is today. Every now and then, of course, Jae wonders if only he had enough power to make change in his family's decisions what could've happened.

_Maybe_ , he'll be able to save someone too.

Looking at Wonpil, uncharacteristically stuttering, he pushes the thought back for later. There's no point on contemplating now when there's much work to do.

"Why- why would he want that?"

Jae pats Wonpil’s shoulder like he was proud he finally finished his sentence before pointing out "In case you haven't noticed , old man Hangyu dotes on us like we're his students, he scolds but also praises. You're like a transferee and he's been waiting for an opportunity to sit down with you but you've been a hard nut to crack."

There was an oddly adorable expression in Wonpil's wide-eyed gaping expression and Jae chuckles, somehow fond. "And don't worry about the others, they're just grumpy you did their job instead of teaching them. I mean it's alright to assert yourself when the young masters are involved, but it's not so bad to let others do minor jobs."

With that out of the way, and Wonpil making amends with everyone he unwittingly offended, time flew by with the wedding preparations on top of the usual business matters.

Jae spends the next week with Wonpil as they go through checking the guest lists, contacting stores to verify the stock and products they'll be procuring, assisting the wedding planner, attending to the sudden visit from Younghyun's family (which he notes brought Wonpil into a boiling pot of something) and making sure nothing will go wrong on the nearing date.

"You'd think its our wedding we're preparing for. Don't you agree?" he says out loud during one of their rare breaks from preparation. They're at Wonpil’s usual hiding spot -Jae notes this with thinly veiled surprise, and was somehow honored, when Wonpil suggested a place- sharing Jae's masterpiece of a lunchbox. He makes mean lunchboxes by the way. Even by just the gleam in Wonpil's eyes shows it holds true.

"Your remark implies that I'll be married to you." Jae turns his head hearing Wonpil’s quiet but condescending tone. "So no, I don't think that."

Used to it, Jae just ruffles the younger's head for being a brat- which was rewarded with a punch but that's fine. He does note the thousand mile look in his blank gaze at the garden in front of them. Wonpil often has long gazes at somewhere when he isn't working. There's no time to think about it though because lunch break is over soon and then its a flurry of calls and brisk walkings and wedding things.

Thank god he wouldn't be marrying anyone.

(But Jae does spare some time to tease Sungjin for writing and rewriting his vows and nags him for putting that as priority than choosing a wedding gift. The sap. As if he can go through that vow of his.)

When the preparation comes to an end, while waiting for tomorrow to come, when he'll witness the next chapter of his young master's life, Jae once again entertains the thought that he is starting to accept and not have regrets with how his life has come to this. Not when - lifting his eyes across the table, he meets Wonpil’s raised eyebrows- he can witness the new life and share the joy of serving this happy couple with someone.

Jae shoots the man across him a silly grin.

* * *

Wonpil keeps his smile in place as he listens to Younghyun's giddy albeit frantic mutterings of what might happen tomorrow. Tomorrow, his long awaited wedding.

The five months they have spent here was filled with a delicious sight of Younghyun being healthier, with what seem to be a permanent smile on his face in spite of the stress from business and his barely present family and adjusting to having additional work being in a new household and family.

Sungjin's parents were old people who has wisdom brimming on the surface of their skins. He remembers the tension in Younghyun's posture when he first met them, but he also remembers how it quickly melted under the warm gazes and excited buzz of meeting him, the man their eldest son chose.

Jaehyung had whispered to him that they weren't always like that and something - some sort of teenage rebellion Sungjin went through- changed their ways.

_"Sheesh, not illegal stuff. Young master has a weird way of threatening people, even his family."_

_"That's not reassuring."_

_"Psh. Please, his records are as clean as this mansion's toilet, and you did that. So, you can't argue."_

Sungjin's younger twin siblings immediately took liking to Younghyun. And most of all, Sungjin has been nothing but a desirable partner to Younghyun. He shared burdens, laughter and precious smiles. He spends and makes time after work or waits when Younghyun's the one who has a long day. It makes him queasy watching them go from tip toeing around each other to becoming basically attached to the hip.

Jaehyung's annoying whispers of anecdotes wasn't welcome either, he was a buzzing busy bee with extra time to tease with the young masters and a begrudgingly cheerful presence beside him.

Wonpil wonders again, watching Younghyun animatedly recounting his ordinary day with so much joy if he had ever saw his young master that full of life and light when they were back home.

When he couldn't remember a time in the past with the same energy he was witnessing then, Wonpil had to swallow the heart lodged in his throat.

Has fate finally caught unto him?

"Didn't think you can make that kind of face."

Jaehyung's voice slices through his thoughts and Wonpil belatedly realizes the warmth arm is brushing against.

What expression was he making?

The party is slowly dwindling. The wedding went like blur to him, making last minute preparations, assisting Younghyun and attending to his needs, barely holding in his tongue in front of his family and serving the guest during dinner. He doesn't know how long he has been crouching outside far enough from the ballroom that only music can be heard but he supposes it was long enough to have Jaehyung wander to where he was.

He mentally reminds himself to apologize to anyone he might have inconvenienced for his dazed mind.

"Why are you here?"

"It's my break time before cleaning. I'm beat and this is the quietest place around this household."

As Jaehyung quietly munches on some biscuits, Wonpil gathers his wits.

"Does young master Sungjin-" he stumbles, tightly clutching onto his dress pants.

_Does he promise to stay by my master?_

"Hmm, I wonder." Jae offers the last piece, but just seeing food makes him want to puke. Simply shrugging at his rejection, the older man nods, continuing his reply to his question "But he's a good guy. Young master Younghyun is in good hands. Take my word for it."

"That's not credible," he grumbles, smoothing the creases on his clothes. "I'll have to investigate myself."

"You didn't have to insult me so nicely." Jae bends to peek at him. "You're usually straight up rude," he observes, earning a glare. But the worry in Jae's gaze had Wonpil swallowing. He's been caught and Jae's next words proved that his head has been on the clouds throughout the day "and you don't make rookie mistakes either, who are you?"

Wonpil can recount all of the simple mistake he made all day. It's embarrassing for his level and the years he has been a professional, and yet he could not defend himself.

"Sorry."

Not when he doesn't know what he might vomit out if even are think right now.

"And you're actually apologizing to me."

Hugging his knees, Wonpil mumbles in repeat "Sorry."

"I knew there was a hint of softness on your sharp expression," Jae sighs and wound his arms around his tight form as he weeps.

_"Remember this Wonpil, they will all leave, you will be abandoned, because you are unwanted. This is your fate."_

* * *

Three months after the wedding, they celebrated Younghyun's birthday.

The party was grand due to the insistence of Sungjin's family. Weak to his mother-in-law's persuasive skills, Younghyun conceded. Although he showed great reluctance in he beginning of the preparation, Wonpil can very much vouch how Younghyun looked forward to this.

Of course the preparation was left to him and Jaehyung again.

A week after Jae found his pitiful form the night of the wedding, he mellowed down and allowed himself to become close with the taller man. Not enough to be called friends but close enough than just mere co-workers. He likes how they are now, divided by the line he drew between them. Although Jae unconsciously toes that line with his personality, paired with his terrible flirting and easy banter.

They spend lunch breaks sahring Jae's lunch box cuisine, they both tend to the garden and have scheduled tea times with old man Hangyu. Also somehow, during the weeks that passed he was able to have pleasant exchanges with the other servants.

A loud laugh snaps Wonpil out of his reminiscing. He smiles at seeing Younghyun surrounded by his colleagues.

It was the first time Wonpil witnessed his master get drunk and high on joy at having people celebrate his birthday with him. With Sungjin at the side wearing an approving smile seeing his master doesn't look hesitant to mingle anymore, Wonpil can see how much being here had changed the young man. And he couldn't be more happy for him. So once allowed, he took a drink and enjoyed the warm wall he stood by, just ways away, far enough to not interrupt up but close enough to be there when needed.

A groan snaps Wonpil’s eyes awake. Turning his head -the sound was definitely not from him- he sees a familiar mop of blond hair. "What the-" information processed in lightning speed - it was morning, he's in bed with Jaehyung and, clutching at the covers touching his bare skin tightly, very naked- out of instinct, he kicks the other man off. "WHY ARE YOU IN MY BED?" 

The loud thud followed by a series of expletives did not help Wonpil’s rising panic. "Do you need prescription glasses too? It's my bed-" Jae sits up and pulls at the covers in emphasis. Caressing the arm that hit the floor, Jae rasps out loud "For a small body you sure underestimate your strength a lot."

"Your room? Then why-" Something rises to his throat from all his jostling then a hammer jacked at his temples. "Gah, my head hurts."

"Here." A glass and some pill was pressed to his hands. While drinking them, he distracts himself from the sounds of clothes "That's what you get from drinking so much. And to think butlers control liquors around here, goodness."

"I-" Wonpil fails to grasp anything. The other walking about butt naked doesn't help. "Explain to me what happened. Slowly. Truthfully." then with effort he glares at the now slowly dressing Jae. "And don't leave anything out."

_Please tell me we had a brawl or something. You provoked me and I chose violence. Please- anything but-_

Jae sighs loudly, muttering something he didn't catch and offers him his clothes from the night before. "You got drunk. I carried you to your room. You followed me back to mine. We had sex. The end."

"I got drunk? You didn't drink?" 

"How detailed do you want my report to be? Do you want to know what time you passed out from exhaustion?" Feeling his whole body burn from Jae's nonchalance, Wonpil turns his body away and proceeded to cover himself. "I was tipsy but not almost black out drunk."

Some hazy memory came fort while he was changing and all Wonpil can think of is- he's stupid. And he wants to kill someone. 

"I mean if you weren't that drunk why didn't you stop me?"

"Ah, but I did."

"What? Then why-"

Slowly and piece by piece, the puzzle forms: the fifth glass; Jae escorting him, low voice taunting him for being lightweight; him following Jae to his room across his; the first press of his lips and the hot skin against his. Lips again, puffs of breath, rough hands and, murmurs to his neck, to his ears.

Molten, swirling brown eyes.

Was he a teenager? _How reckless. Stupid. Stupid. **Stupid**. _

"You jumped on me, I tried and struggled, mind, to stop you but you suddenly moaned out-mmph?" Jae glares over the hand covering his mouth.

The mouth that left hot trails on his feverish skin last night.

_Fuck, he's so stupid._

"I don't need that much details."

_I don't need any reminder actually. I don't want to remember._

"Fine. Long story short, I tried to stop it but you persevered to the point you were about to tie me on the bed and well, I'm a healthy, willing man."

"Healthy, willing man," Wonpil, now fully dressed, echoes with narrowed eyes. "Does that mean any drunk assertive guy's fine?"

And why does that even bother him? He doesn't want this.

"Ha! So you are aware you can be assertive."

"Shut up."

"It's been a more than a year, do I cross you as someone promiscuous?"

"No."

But that doesn't make all this better. With a dark look, Wonpil passes where Jae was rooted. He has to escape and forget this ever happened.

_He has to leave before Jae could-_

"Then, are you still going to pretend you don't know how I feel for you?"

* * *

_"Yes."_

"Damn, he's probably the smartest guy I know but he has his stupid moments," Jae grumbles while waiting for Sungjin and Younghyun to come out of the hospital. It's been two months since the birthday party and five after their master's wedding. The couple is inquiring for surrogacy as another option to have the child they wanted since they talked about it a few weeks ago. 

On his down time when Jae isn't helping them with that, his thoughts naturally wonder to Wonpil. Who is now acting like all the progress they made for months were some dream Jae conjured. "His stupid moments suck. A shit ton."

Jae knows about Wonpil’s childhood. It was part of his job to do a background check to anyone who will become part of the household. It might have been a hard dig but it wasn't impossible. He knows Wonpil’s an orphan. According to the series of orphanage he was homed, Wonpil’s father was out of the picture at a young age, his mother was declared dead when the social workers picked Wonpil up after deeming his mother unfit to raise him. He was then passed on orphanage after orphanage for some reason or another until he was adopted by an unknown family.

There was huge blank in the timeline before he was employed by Younghyun's parents at eighteen.

The knowledge of his past is actually the reason why Jae let him take his time adjusting to a new environment when they joined the house. He might have experienced a different kind of abandonment but he can grasp the gist of what might be running through his head when he was young and left alone.

And yet in spite of that, Wonpil grew to be fascinating and an individual worth knowing. He wasn't shackled to his hardships but his experience shows every now and then. It might be his empathy that started his constant and conscious interest on Wonpil but Jae was sure that the months they spent bickering during work or sharing quiet lunch break were precious not only to him.

So when they got back from the hospital and Wonpil was keen on not acknowledging his presence beyond that of a co-worker he dragged him to his room to talk after the end of the day.

"What?" Wonpil interrupts his concentration and mental practice of how to start what he knows will be an exhausting wrestle of words with tight-lipped butler. "Are you gonna offer to be sex partners?"

Jae whirls around, blinks while the meaning of the sarcastic remark slowly dawns to him and once it does he promptly took offense "What the hell?"

Wonpil, dead set on keeping his gaze on his bedroom wall than on him, doesn't help cool his head. And the words that followed just set the bomb off. "Are you rejecting me now? Weren't you a healthy willing man just two months ago?" With a nonchalant shrug, "It's just sex."

"Fuck," Jae starts, and continues with a few more curses. _Was he a joke to him?_ Taking a calming breath because they're here to talk and not - whatever else- and this is Wonpil, he opts for honesty "I know you refuse to acknowledge my feelings, but at least respect that they do exist."

"Why are you acting like this is a big deal? Are you a child who is having sex for the first time?"

_Why is he acting like this?_ Why does he intend on closing himself off when Jae knows he has the tip of his finger already touching the surface of his heart?

Eyeing Wonpil’s stubborn form and delicate pride, Jae couldn't help but want to hold him.

But he can't, not yet, because it's important to him that Wonpil would want the same. That he is aware of wanting the same.

"You're right. I am a child," Jae begins, smiling ruefully seeing the surprise coloring Wonpil’s face at his admission "That's why I'm so stubborn about wanting you. Having you properly. Not no strings attached. I won't settle for that. I want all strings, all organs and all of you attached. You deserve it. You deserve to be-"

"No!" Wonpil was now covering his ears, eyes shut and frantically shaking his head. "When will you stop? How many times do I have to say no to you?" And Jae has to endure seeing him like this, bear and broken before he can witness him glow from the core. 

"Until you stop looking like you're choked up yet so relieved I still feel the same." Standing firm under the trembling eyes on him, Jae makes his intentions clear "I'll keep confessing until you get why."

"Even when I keep saying I'll never return them?" Wonpil croaks out. Frustrated and helpless. "You're gonna waste yourself like that? And you talk big to me about respect when you have little for yourself? Of all people I can't believe you'll be a prisoner of something so fickle. Are you stupid?"

* * *

Wonpil, who was barely managing to keep his thoughts together, chokes when he meets Jae's unwavering gaze and the desperation delicately peppered on his expression.

He can go through it again. He's gone through it for years. _He can but-_

The tears fall.

_"Mom, why I dad up there? Mom?"_

_His father, strict and uptight but always adoring him, soulless in front of him. He remembers the dangling feet and his mother's screams._

"I'm stupid?" Jae murmurs, smile sad but not weak. "If that's how you see me, then so be it. I'm stupid." A small step towards him, Wonpil takes two steps back. "But are you gonna say the same about your precious young master? I might be near sighted but I can see him overflowing with love from miles away."

Wonpil lets his fear take over his face and whole body as he viciously shook his head in rejection of the words presented to him.

"Honestly, aren't you the one who is a prisoner? Don't you have any will to live the way you want to?" 

"What do you know?" 

"I know enough."

And at that Wonpil lost all his breath, because the truth of his words was written all over Jae's person.

_"Remember Wonpil, they will all leave. That is your fate."_

_Cold hands. Sweaty forehead. Lying weak, moments away from paradise._

He doesn't know when his warm, soft mother last said she loved him. All he knows is it stopped soon after his father left.

And just like she said, people he welcomes all left. His father, his mother, that little girl who was his first friend after being transferred to his fifth orphanage, the family he thought would adopt him ended up throwing into butler training and soon sold him to the Kang household. His young master Younghyun who fell in love and forgot about him.

And then there's this man.

This man that he refuses to be someone in his life out of fear of being abandoned once again. He can't afford to let him slip through his fingers, not when he finally understands why Younghyun could smile with much light despite his childhood.

"Whenever someone becomes special to me, they leave. What makes you different?" He poses the question stubbornly. "If you know that, then why don't you-" 

He can go through it again, he knows he can. But not with Jae. Anyone but Jae. It is the very reason why he drew a line so early on, why he refuses to be a friend. Because it's easy for him, it's so easy for Jae the make him believe.

But he can't risk that. He can't risk on a mere chance, a sliver of eternity with him, when the consequence is being without him.

* * *

Jae noticed the crack in Wonpil’s walls, and immediately slipped through it.

Taking a decisive step towards him, Jae gathers him in his arms and squeezes, heart pinching from hearing the sob that Wonpil wretched out as soon as his face meets his chest. "Do you want to know why I haven't given up? Because I'm not an idiot. I know you feel the same." When Wonpil remains focused on crying, he softly presses the words against his ear "I already have a hold of your pinky, so why would I let go when I might be holding your hand soon enough?"

"You're wrong. You're being delusional. You-"

"Then don't look like your heart is already in pieces," Jae chuckles tiredly, it was hard to watch Wonpil break down like that; he promises himself to do everything to never witness it again. "Just because I have hope you're reciprocating, isn't the beginning of you losing me. I haven't held you yet and you're thinking that far ahead?" At the indignant punch sent to his side, Jae lets out a wet laugh "Didn't know you were a seer."

"Shut up. You sound stupid. I wasn't thinking that."

* * *

It's late at night and there's an impending storm brewing outside. But Wonpil, despite the tears, feels so warm.

"Then what are you thinking?" Jae whispers lowly when he refuses to lift his head from his chest. The heat of the palms caressing his back, with every stroke, melts the weight on his shoulders. "No matter how much I act like I know what's in your head, I need to hear it from you sometimes, hm?"

"Okay."

* * *

"You know sometimes, I wonder, if we met when we were younger, maybe it'll be easier for me to accept your feelings and the fact that I'm in love with you."

Jae scrunches his nose. That's some philosophical shit or something. He said that much and Wonpil’s swift elbow digs itself to his side. Wheezing, he returns with a serious face "If we met when we were younger, you would probably punched me the moment our eyes met. I was that annoying. Trust me." 

Although, it was probably the first time he heard Wonpil word out how he feels about him. It feels good.

It feels damn good. 

"I guess we'll never know," Wonpil harrumphs, but the laugh was sprinkled beautifully on him. It was one of his favorite expression on Wonpil. Only one of many because he was, as Jae delightfully learned, a man with very animated expressions.

But yes, he admits to himself, sometimes he does hope to have met Wonpil sooner. _Maybe that way, I would be able to do something so you'd have been hurt a little less._

Jae watches as Wonpil enjoys the breeze early autumn has brought. They were sharing their lunch break again at the back garden and was simply soaking each other's presence before going back to work soon.

Wonpil has only been back for two weeks after a three month long leave - in his words- to get his shit together and yet he is as enthusiastic as ever to serve the family. Although there is a small smile playing on his face now, and Jae absolutely delights at the sight of it.

After that emotional night wherein he hesitantly but bravely poured his heart out to another for the first time, Jae suggested a vacation. Wonpil, with great reluctance eventually agreed - having lived a busy life until now, it was hard for him to up and leave with no proper preparations. With Jae's help, they submitted a formal request, adjusted the workload, processed his papers and two months later he was on the train off to somewhere spiritually healing -Younghyun's words.

Their time apart was spent with longing and brief, gentle moments through calls and emails, a lot of reassurances during bouts of insecurity but definitely filled with a promise of coming home. To each other.

"Jae?" 

"Well, you're with me now." Jae kisses the clothed fingers in between his. "We promised to make this work and eventually share a future, so let's try our best to stay together, yeah? No matter how hard some days might come."

Wonpil hiccuped out a laugh "For an old man, you speak like you're still in your teens." with a quick peck to his cheek, he teases "Sap."

"Does that mean you're charmed by younger men?" Jae asks in jest, with wide eyes and appalled expression to boot "Gotta work hard to maintain what remains of my youth then."

Wonpil's mouth stretches into a blinding smile, then while peppering his face with more kisses, he reassures "I'm only charmed by you."

And Jae was once again thankful that his past decisions has brought him here, in Wonpil's embrace, warm and at home.

* * *

_"Hey Jae, how are you sure I feel the same and I am not simply attached to you?"_

_"Does it matter?"_

_"Wouldn't it be unfair to you if it was the case?"_

_"You really have a lot of plaguing thoughts huh? How about this- you, don't have to worry about being unfair to me, because I'm a healthy, willing man-"_

_"Ha ha. I'm serious."_

_"I am too. I'm healthy and willing and you're the same so why do we have to bother ourselves with defining abstract things such as feelings when we can just focus on reaffirming everyday that we are indeed content and happy with our life?"_

_"...mhm, and work."_

_"Yeah, focus on work too, definitely important."_

_"I do miss you though, that's for sure."_

_"Wha- Wait- I wasn't prepared, say it again please."_

_"Bye, Jae. I'll see you soon."_

_"How dare you toy with-!"_

**Author's Note:**

> It's been awhile so I'm rusty and pretty nervous about this haha but I'm happy to write something again. (((o(*°▽°*)o)))
> 
> Thank you for reading! (*´∀`)~♥
> 
> \---
> 
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/potatooneandtwo)  
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